So if you’ve been single for any length of time, you’ve probably heard the dreaded “it’s not you, it’s me” line. Obviously I can’t say that it’s just a load of crap excuse 100% of the time and only used when somebody wants to end a relationship yet doesn’t desire to hurt the other person. No no, I would never say that. 🙂 But I venture to say that it’s, at the very least, an over-used tactic often uttered to soften the blow; sweeten the severance package, if you will. Yet despite the weak effort, it still stings and leaves us rummaging through the dusty files of our brain trying to determine where we went wrong.
Nobody likes to break up or get divorced. Even if it’s the best thing to do, there is an extinguished light; one that once shone brightly. Aaaaand then…the grieving process. UGH! If only we could speed it up! If only we had kind of like a drive-through-bandage-up-and-shake-it-off service we could use. The focus begins to turn to YOU and your feelings as you nearly drive yourself nuts imagining what you should have done differently, then morphing into raging anger the next moment. You might wallow in self-pity for a while, turn to friends so they will listen to you blubbering on about how horrible your life is so they will empathize with your woes. You might blame yourSELF, and your SELF-esteem has probably taken quite a hit. You might feed your face just as you’ve fed your sadness by dwelling on what has happened, immersing yourself in sugary treats and your favorite comfort foods to ease the pain. Maybe you turn to God, asking questions like “why ME? What’s wrong with ME? Me, me, I me, me I……I’ve learned that this is an intense focus on SELF. Being depressed and focusing on the problem, even if temporarily justified, is focusing on ourselves.
Now don’t get me wrong – I have certainly had my share of heartache, divorce, and crushing break-ups and I have caught myself doing each and every thing I have mentioned so far. I make no claim to being a relationship expert or shrink, but I just know what it’s like to go through this roller-coaster of emotions. And there is most certainly a time to grieve, and we MUST so that we can begin to cope and heal. But as time passes, we have to begin our journey out of that valley. I always hate when people say, “You just have to move on!” True as it may be, who the heck is comforted by THAT?!? “Yea, easier said than done, pal. You can go suck an egg!!” (No I have never said that to anyone…out loud, at least). Anyway, it’s ok to sort out our thoughts. But we have to allow joy to rush in and flood out the darkness the pain has brought. Send it packin’! What better light source than the One who spoke it into existence? Plug into the Light of the World, the Bright Morning Star. And that pain and darkness somehow surrenders in defeat by His glory and strength. The focus on US slowly shifts to a new focus on God if we will seek his face. How much wiser to spend the currency of our fragile lives on HIM instead of SELF or the person who abandoned us? It’s not about him/her. Heck, it’s not even really about YOU! It’s about the perfect love waiting for you with open arms, waiting for you to lift your face and rest in him. We just have to believe that he wants to give us the desires of our heart, so we know we’ll find our intended love one day. So drop the other half of the chocolate cheesecake and sing a song of praise! And then we can declare to our Comforter, Lord, and Savior that “it’s not me, it’s YOU!”
But I trust in you, Lord: I say, “You are my God.” Psalms 31:14 NIV
And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12:1-2 NIV
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4 NKJV
Living - Phenomenally. 